Let me start by saying that I’m not being fattist or sizeist or weightist or any other kind of ist you care to mention. I’m simply saying that our government needs a makeover in more ways than one.
This is our minister for health:
HEALTH!!
Now, apart from her ineptitude in dealing with health fiasco after health fiasco, does this look like a healthy person to you. Yes, we all like our cheese burgers and Black Forest Gateaux but seriously, Minister for Health? Why can’t she be minister for agriculture or minister for cakes or something? Health? I would say that she consistently ignores here GP’s advice and she hasn’t put her foot in a trainer since she was in P.E class. If she had done one thing of note to revolutionise our failing health system, I’d...
This would be funny if it wasn’t so close to the truth.
Sarah Palin interview with Katie Couric parodyby......
Oh Dear God.
I Love Sarah Palinby......
So the McCain/Palin bandwagon seems to be losing a wheel every time you look at it. To me, and this is just my personal opinion, they’re both morons. Sarah Palin makes her idiocy more obvious every time she opens her mouth but who can possibly be against gun control. The pictures contained in this post are from a publication called Armed America. I’d like to point out that I’ve got nothing against this publication because it seems to showcase the need for gun control rather than promote the second amendment. Everybody pictured legally own the weapons with which they are pictured. Take the kid below. With all of the random school shootings in America, isn’t this just a little obscene? I mean what age is this guy. “Hey, I’m just hangin with my buddies....
Sarah Palin feels that, since she lives in close proximity to both Russia and Canada, she is an expert on foreign policy. Unfortunately it doesn’t stop her from being a fucking idiot. Look, there’s no point in a mere pirate explaining to you how much of an idiot Sarah Palin is when she does such a good job of demonstrating this every time she opens her mouth....
In the below clip, Sarah Palin explains that a 15 year old girl who is raped by her father, should keep the baby in the event that she falls pregnant. She describes the situation the girl would find herself in as “less than perfect”....
For fuck’s sake! I mean, holy fucking Janis on a fucking trike! I head off for a few weeks and the whole planet goes to hell in a handbasket! Banks are fucked but there’s been no better time to be a bank executive. Like the Irish one who bought 250,000 shares of his own bank two days before the government made a bail out payment, meaning that he pocketed a cool twelve million. In the true Irish tradition of either protecting our criminals or voting them into government, the crime not only went unpunished but wasn’t even recognised as a crime. So insider trading is no longer a crime?
I’ve loads to rant about; the presidential and vice presidential debates - the word “debate” is used really loosely these days, The global recession, RTE’s continuing...
I’ll keep this brief. My buddy Darwin is doing a great series on the misguided wankress that is Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. I’ll just add a big of weight to the argument by posting a few of the issues she stands firm on. As Darwin points out, she loves nothing better than sitting in a plane with a high powered rifle, shooting any wolf that happens into view. In fact, she seems to have very little respect for animals at all. She loves guns and, despite not having a clue what the Bush doctrine is, supports it unwaveringly. She is a firm supporter of America’s right to bear arms but not arm polar bears as there are apparently way too many of them around. Endangered? Nonsense! Next thing they’ll be telling her that she can’t hunt Beluga whales!!!!!!...
If I had to pigeon-hole my political leanings, I’d have to say I’m left of centre but I really find much to disagree with in every political ethos. I don’t particularly want to disagree and I’m not saying I could do a better job than a lot of politicians but there seems to be far more kowtowing to human nature - namely greed - for my liking and so I prefer to just sit on the sidelines and call them all morons.
Given my political stance, imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning only to discover that I had become a fascist volunteer!!
Fuck me! When did it happen? Did I suddenly stop caring about other people overnight? Did I dedicate myself to avarice, greed and evil while I was dreaming about showering with Charlize Theron? Is it a condition that can...
Ah, ya just have to love Americans and their chest beating politicians. Every speech seems to have been gleaned from a cheesy 80’s action movie. Every republican politician mentions “freedom” without once mentioning the fact that America is pretty much a police state in which no citizen actually has any freedom. God created America and created Europe to fill a bit of space and the rest of the world so that America would have someone to go to war with.
John McCain spoke about his time as a POW in Vietnam and how, after being regularly tortured, he learned to love his country. If he didn’t once ask, “what the fuck am I doing here?” he probably shouldn’t be considered for office on the grounds of abject stupidity or insanity. He has asked the...
This is what happens when your parents are twins:
These two primates and another white supremacist called Sean Robert Adolf were arrested on guns and drugs charges. It is thought they were planning to assassinate Barack Obama. The ATF tracked Mr. Adolf to an Aurora hotel where he promptly jumped out of a sixth story window onto an awning and tried to escape. He was later found with a broken ankle.
Their plot did not signify a credible threat but it goes to prove that a lot of people in the Southern United States are morons. In fact, they’re sub-moron. Adam Boulton reported that it’s not clear whether the absence of a threat was because these clowns are in custody or whether they frankly weren’t up to it. He then went on to describe them as a ramshackle bunch of...
Yesterday I posted one of my favourite jokes and now I’m going to talk about one of my least favourite jokes; the American Government. Yes, I know I’m always going on about the farce that is American foreign, domestic and any other kind of policy but this is a slightly new slant.
Every year America compiles a list of the world’s worst human rights offenders. Ok, digest that for a second. ……………… Ok, are you alright? I can only imagine it is so that they know who they’re going to get tips off but they publicise it as being “concerned” about human rights.
Ok, are you sitting down? Good. Here we go. America recently removed China from the top ten list of human rights violators….. MEDIC!!! I’m sorry but I did...
For the first time in a long long time, the Thirsty Kipper is dry. No, it’s still in the water but there is no alcohol aboard her. Why? An intelligent person has an ethos. There is no law to say that one’s ethos cannot be flawed but, all too often it is. The handy thing about society is that, unless you’re completely lacking in moral fibre, your mates will puck you into some semblance of normality. So, what if your mates are fucking worthless scumbags? Well I can’t speak for that because me shipmates are only murderous if they’re backed into a corner.
What am I on about? Well it seems that, whenever lawlessness rears its ugly head above the parapet of the Dail bar, us honest people get fucked in the ear. Ireland was the first European country to bring in the...
Well the story of the US campaign season, how a cartoon managed to raise $95,000 in days for a new aspiring politician in Kansas.It's not often I see a really smart link to popular culture but I've got to tip my hat to Sean Tevis, who's taken a nice leaf from one of the Internet's leading web comics, xkcd. Sean's idea started after two weeks of canvassing and twenty five dollars to show (its the US money talks...). He figured that as an IA (Information Architect) with web programming skills he could find some other way to fund his political campaign rather than continuing the door to door which wasn't working. 40 or 50 hours later he had the campaign poster below done in xkcd style.More details on the actual funding appeal/poster and a WSJ article with some more details and an interview...
Superheroes become popular because they invariably rise above the ordinary and take care of business on behalf of the common man. If that’s true, how the fuck did Diamond Dan The Orangeman - or Sash Gordon, as he’s known to some - come into being.
This is an artist’s rendering of Dan and he kind of looks like a cross between John Merrick, Marty Feldman and Vanessa Phelps with a Chris Evans hairdo. Appropriate then that he is the official super hero of the Orange Order.
For those of you who don’t know, the soley Protestant Orange Order was founded in 1795 in opposition to the Defenders, which were a Catholic organisation. Protestants at the time felt that they had to exhume the memory of the Orange Institution, founded in 1688 to support William of Orange, whose...
George W. Bush has stated that “Normalcy” is returning to Iraq. Now, unless he’s referring to Hooters McNormalcy, the figure skating stripper, I’m not sure what he’s talking about. If his idea of normalcy is living without electricity for 22 hours a day, knowing that you could be blown asunder by some random bombing on your perilous journey across the street, having your homes randomly ransacked by so-called defence forces who then beat the fuck out of you for asking them why they’re there, having misguided teenagers strapping themselves with explosives and detonating those explosives in crowded areas and generally having your whole world ripped apart because the western world like to drive SUVs, he must surely now be in residence on another planet....
Ah, it’d be funny if he wasn’t fucking nuts. Yes, apparently, Osama Bin Laden has released an audio message to say that he’s not best pleased with the Danish cartoon which was released ages ago and poked fun at Mohammed. Rumour has it he even pumped a couple of rounds from his AK47 into his favourite Teddy Bear, Jesus. He also blames the Pope for being complicit in the outrageous … erm… drawing. The message, by al Qaeda media arm as-Scab - ahem, as-Sahab - carried a cartoon of a spear piercing a red map of Europe with blood spewing forth as its tip penetrated the surface. Now I don’t know about you but that’s not fucking funny at all. Alright, I s’pose if you changed it to a giant penis it could be…. Naaa. Y’see Osama just...
I am so tired of Politicians and PoliticsJournalists and talking headsSpeech writers and AdvisorsHardly sleeping in their bedsThe Unions forcing their membersTo vote for the Unions choiceAnd if they don’t, they might loose their jobsSo, that’s not very niceThe bickering of all the candidatesDigging for dirt on one anotherIt’s hard to tell as they spit it outIf they even had love for their motherI’m tired of listening to their buzz words“I’m for Change and I’m for Hope”Don’t ask them what they mean by thatIf you accept it, you’re the dopeSome changes that I would like to seeSo that we can elect the bestIs to cut the number of candidatesAnd they must pass a testThey must have a solid backgroundIn Government and Global AffairsAnd show a voting recordOf an individual who...
So it looks like the new Nazi, I mean, republican candidate for the next Presidential election in the good ol’ US of A is an ex Baptist Minister called Mike Huckabee. He supports “fair tax”, he a defender of traditional family values, he’s strongly pro-life and he is a concealed weapons permit holder and believes strongly in the second amendment - (of course it was nigh on impossible to successfully conceal a weapon back when that old nugget was written). The one thing curiously absent from his manifesto is any kind of stance on American foreign policy. The NRA believe that “Huckabee understands that the Second Amendment is about far more than just hunting. It is about self-defence and ultimately it gives the citizenry protection against a tyrannical...
We have spoken about the travesty that is our government and their ability to become the best paid failures in the world. We have spoken about their inability to deal with the problems that face everyone but them every day. I have spoken about the reticence of the Gards and now I know that they really don’t give a fuck about anything but their interest-free mortgages and their love of fast food.
I was robbed tonight. I was robbed in full view of a parked police car. I went to an ATM to withdraw enough money to pay a bill - yes even Pirates have bills - and some fucking idiotic, but amazingly quick - brainless scumbag, took the money from my hand as I received it from the drink-link.
I could have run after him if I had been fit but I’m sadly not. I tried to run after him and...
In the same week as we hear about the ridiculous new law on learner drivers, it transpires that Ireland now has the highest paid Prime Minister in the world after he accepted a 14% pay rise. Now, obviously I’m not including dictatorships in this - wait a second, Ireland is a dictatorship. Anyway, a new poll states that the government’s approval rating has dropped just one point. Who in the name of fuck do they poll for these fucking things? Do they go into Bertie’s local and ask the lads what they think of him? The poll suggests that 39% of people approve of Bertie Ahern, which reveals a more startling statistic. 39% of Irish people of a voting age are idiots.
Bertie’s response to the suggestion that his wages eclipse many times that of George W. Bush - (the...
I just saw an ad on T.V where various people tell you how fragile our sanity is. Totally agree. There is a thin line and I know I’ve crossed it once in a while. This ad is sponsored by the HSE and this is where I have a problem. If the GAA or the FAI or Harvey Fucking Norman had sponsored this ad, I wouldn’t be so agitated but how dare our feeble health service lecture us on mental health. What they should say is, “Mind your mental health because, if you don’t, we’re going to do one of two things. One, we’ll do absolutely fuck all about it or, Two, we’ll put you in an antiquated facility that will do sweet fuck all for your sanity except make it even more fragile.
Mind your mental health? This is from people who still think it’s a good...
My trusted reporter, Pablo, has brought me this clip from a Bush press conference.
Elvis on a fucking bike, he’ll kill us all....
Yes, it sounds like that charming little jingle from that Saturday night show by that host who should never have been allowed in front of a microphone or camera, unless he was being tried for crimes against humanity, which brings us nicely along to the little worm about who I write again. Although, I can see this guy getting his own T.V show eventually. “It’s The Victor Bout Show!! This week’s guests include, former Nazi scientist - now a celebrity hairdresser: Joseph Mengele, Reformed Serial Killer and Children’s T.V presenter: Ted Bundy and Celebrity Chef: Hannibal Lecter.” Yes, you can just see it happening; Oprah for the criminally insane.
Victory Bout isn’t criminally insane; he’s just greedy and that makes him somehow worse. The reason for...
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is an idiot. Yep, a dyed in the wool, fucking idiot. Thanks to George W. Bush and his merry band of remedial wannabe politicians, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - the idiot - is now in a position where he can spew forth his idiotic mutterings without fearing a diplomatic incident. In fact, throughout Bush history and their alliance with William Farrish, one can safely say that the latent Bush manifesto ran - and may still run - in tandem with Ahmadinejad the idiot’s.
So, who is this idiot? Well he’s the Iranian President. Why is it that idiots are allowed to assume positions of power? Here’s some of the things that Ahmadinejad the idiot said whilst engaged in debate at Columbia University:
The holocaust never happened: “If the Holocaust is a...
€350,000 buys you a decent house these days. Not a palatial spread with a fountain in front and a swimming pool behind but a three bedroom, semi-detached house in the suburbs. Decent people work their collective bollox off for such properties just to try and give their kids the best chance they possibly can in a society that is becoming more and more decrepit. I’m not going to try and weed out the minutia of the problems decent people face on a daily basis from idiocy and corruption because, for every reasonable argument, there is a nonsensical one waiting to be spewed forth by some whining, plastic socialist with picture of Che on his chest and no idea of the spirit of the owner of that face.
I digress. I was speaking of the prohibitive price of buying a decent home. Well, I...
Here’s a little known fact that should add to the legion of well known facts that should lead to the impeachment of George W Bush. Y’see there’s this nasty little Russian prick called Victor Bout. Victor is one of those pieces of shit who sells arms to lunatics in impoverished countries. Ever heard of Sierra Leone? Well Victor probably hadn’t either; until he heard that there was a group of fucking idiots who wanted to cut a swathe of terror throughout the country. Remember that bloody conflict that America didn’t bother its arse putting a stop to? Well that was made possible by Victor Bout.
What’s all this got to do with George? Well, the Clinton administration was actively searching for Victor to lock him up and cut his nuts off. This, along with the...
So, Dubya and his band of merry shitheads have decided to start gradually reducing the military presence in Iraq. It was interesting to hear his pointless address yesterday, in which he lied and lied yet again.
Let’s start with his opening words:
“Good evening. In the life of all free nations, there come moments that decide the direction of a country and reveal the character of its people. We are now at such a moment.”
First of all, America is now one of the least free countries in the world thanks to Republican paranoia and Democrat complacency, so forget about the first line because America is a secret police state. Secondly, the direction the American economy has taken is positively downward. The Bank of England has come to the rescue to a small extent this week but...
A “new” video of Osama Binliner has been released to mark the sixth anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Centre. Yes the bearded twat is yet again to be seen in grainy detail in order to show what a fucking piece of shit he is. He’s probably dead and it couldn’t have been painful enough. We know that he is a fucking murdering prick but it never ceases to amaze me how the American people seem to have completely forgotten the despot that’s at the helm of their own once great nation. As we slip further and further into September, the likelihood of an ignominious exit from the whitehouse seems to be fading faster than Bryan McFadden’s career. Yes, the American people sent a strong message by handing so much power to the Democrats but the...
We pirates love takin’ the earnings of innocent people to fund our debauched lifestyle. We have a nasty habit of putting to the sword anyone who gets in our way. You’d swear we were Republicans without a republic. I think I’ve illustrated that I am definitely not a detestable right-wing nut-job and I’m proud to say that my sister in piratehood, the wonderful Cap’n Dyke, is of a similar stance. I have pointed out the similarities between Dubya and Hitler before but I think you’ll find Cap’n Dyke’s blog about Shitler to be to your likin’ - be you Republican or human.
There seems to be unrest in the nest of Republicans across the pond. Let’s face it, sometimes you have to admit to your mistakes and putting a monkey in the...