Limerick Blogs.com

I’m not going to make a habit of posting jokes on this site but I absolutely love this one. A German tourist in London thought he’d sample one of the English working girls. After being directed to a good spot, he approached one of the girls and asked, “Are you ok with ze kinky zex?” “Well I’m not really into that but, if it’s not too kinky,” the girl tentatively replied. “Oh no,” The German replied, “in fact ees not zat kinky at all.” They go back to the brothel and, producing a duck caller and four springs with straps attached to them, he explained his plan. “You put one off zees on each hand unt one of zem on each knee unt you go on all fours, yeah?” Thinking it didn’t really sound all that bad,...

As I have already explained, I’m getting way too many “refers” from people who are looking for porn. I entertained changing the name of the site but someone for whom the word great is wholly inadequate has led me to believe otherwise. I intend, with this post, to confuse the issue. Let me explain. Today, I had a record number of visitors to my little site. Many of them, thankfully, looked for the site but the majority; sadly, were perverts whose idea of multi-tasking is wanking and moving the mouse at the same time. In other words, there are a handful of people who actually deign to condescend to my rantings and there are a large number of people who are expecting to fill their hands when they cum across my site. It’s funny that, since I wrote about the scam that...

Yes, it’s true; this is my 100th rant on this site. Since last July I have been waxing lyrical on all manner of shite and now I find myself at this worrying milestone. There have been many highlights in my life this year outside of my duties on the Thirsty Kipper but the highlight of my ranting is the disposal of one Mr. Richard Shepherd and his writing web-shite. Due to the dedication of Debs and Rochelle and a few others we have now ensured that his website - worldsgreatestnovel.com - is now a dumping site for every fucking reprobate on the net with a link to dump. I recently posted as “Mematey” in his forum and he didn’t even ban me. Was it good enough for him to simply neglect the site? No. There are still twenty-one authors, whose work is still associated...

Bishop Willie Walsh is probably the best among the Irish Catholic hierarchy. He's an affable, humble and self-effacing guy. He believes in reaching out to his people and he goes among them as an equal. He has a genuine sense of empathy with others and he is never arrogant like so many of his colleagues.Willie, as I said, is probably the best of them.Fr Con Desmond came to Willie, his bishop in 1995. It was just after Father Brendan Smyth, the notorious child-rapist, had been arrested. The country was enraged with the clergy and talk of clerical sexual abuse was everywhere. Fr Desmond was bothered by this new climate, with good reason, as it later turned out, and he turned to Willie Walsh for advice. Now, put yourself in the Bishop's place. Here comes this guy who works for you, and...

Just a quick post to wish you all a happy new year. The Thirsty Kipper is docked and I will be seeing in the new year with me foine wench and me crew. The rum has been… ahem… appropriated and the decks are scrubbed. I have had many things to give out about this year and it is my firm hope that 2007 holds far less to complain about. I have also had many things that made me smile. In Bloggage, I firmly recommend Bock The Robber - a fellow Limerick man and a foine blogger if ever there was one. Check out his Scientology blog and the mighty dictator one, which is one of the cleverest I have read. In music, I loved the new Muse album but not as much as Absolution. I also loved Grant Lee Philips’ Nineteeneighties album which covers great songs of the eighties like Wave of...

I was sitting down quietly eating my dinner in the crew’s quarters of the Thirsty Kipper earlier - the captain’s quarters are being refurbished - when a new crew member sat beside me and commented on the fact that I had put ketchup on my fish. “That’s disgusting” said he. “Have you ever tried it?” said I. “No.” replied he. “Well how the fuck do you know it’s disgusting then?” implored I. Before making this gimp walk the plank for insubordination, I chanced a look at what he was eating. I imagined it was some calorie-free, uber-healthy option but I was wrong. He was eating two slices of bread, between which was a generous dollop of what looked like … shit! I had to ask him what it was and he duly - and rather...

Richard Curtis wrote Blackadder. Why am I telling you this? Richard Curtis wrote Blackadder and he also wrote Notting Hill and Four Weddings and a Funeral. Oh I can feel it. I’m going to go off on one. For those of you who have ever been to Notting Hill, you will know that it is a multicultural place. In other words; it isn’t populated by cheery, foppy haired, middleclass white people. If your only experience of Notting Hill is the film, you would be forgiven for thinking it was so. Y’see, in this so-called enlightened 21st century, racism hasn’t gone away, it has just become more subtle. Why are all the cast of Notting Hill white? Because Richard Curtis obviously believes that no one is interested in the lives of black people. You can hug all the starving kids...

Should you frequent them, you will see a variety of life at your local super-pub. You will see the scantily-clad teens, scantily-clad women of a certain age who should know better, dressed up gorillas, vacuous looking types with lines deliberately shaved into their eyebrows and, if you’re ultra-observant, the thirty to forty something lurker. All of the above, of course, are paragons of vacuity but the lurker is of particular interest. Let me explain: Lurkers are guys who like to hang around in groups of no-more than three for the purposes of ogling and lying to unsuspecting guys - let’s call them victim B - about their alleged sexual exploits with those whom they have ogled - victim A. I have stumbled across this phenomenon because I recently became a victim B. Now, I have...

Dogs are amazing creatures. When you have a bad day and it seems the whole world is against you, the one member of your family who’s always glad to see you is your dog. They have such a capacity for affection. The dog in the picture is a particularly affectionate dog but she was found abandoned and starving, wandering around the streets of Limerick city. The abuse she suffered is nothing short of disgraceful. When my girlfriend and I picked her up from a Limerick Animal Welfare volunteer, part of her eyelid was missing and she was distrustful of people. She is still distrustful of people and who could blame her. She was fucking abused by people. What is it about this country and our capacity for cruelty? It’s fucking pathetic! People found to be abusing animals should be...

My apologies for my absence. I had the misfortune to break my arm. I know there are those of you who are hoping it was as a result of my rantings but, much as I hate to disappoint, I simply fell off the rigging while hoisting the main sail… YAARRRR YAAARRRR! Anyhoo; I have noticed that the crapfest that is Big Brother has finished. I managed to sneak a peek at the last week and I can only say; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN WATCHING!! For the love and honour of all that is decent! The snippet I saw involved what can only be the inspiration behind Beavis and Butthead. A guy with some kind of a blonde rat on his head and a girl, who looked like she sat on a fucking pick-axe when she was five and has since been unable to remove the look of horror from her face, were lying in the...

Not only am I a pirate; I am a selfless televisual masochist. I watch shit that annoys me so that I can rant about it. I am pathetic. I was just about to watch Downfall - which is probably the most honest and damning testomony of Hitler’s insanity - but, whilst in the process of inserting my DVD into the ever willing DVD player, I noticed a sitcom that was aired on one of the many pointless channels I have. T’was an offering entitleds “Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps”. Had it been written by the unfortunately late Douglas Adams; I would have abandoned all thoughts of watching an earlier incarnation of George Bush. It is, however, a damning indictment of modern television. It - I think - is trying to be comedy but I’m not quite sure because it is...